


What the World Loves, is but a Brief Dream

by vogue91



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Introspection, POV Second Person, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: You think about her, your mind woven in a thousand threads you can’t unravel. You think about how real she looked, in those long eternal nights, when there was no destiny looming over the Winchester’s heads. There was no death and no tomorrow.





	What the World Loves, is but a Brief Dream

Stupid, stupid Sam.

You don’t know what saved you. The only thing you’re sure of is that you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve to walk among the living on earth, you don’t deserve your brother still by your side.

You deserve only the Hell you were living already, without even knowing it.

The Impala slides on the road, almost if the tyres weren’t able to lay on the asphalt.

You rest your head on the window, cold and stained by the rain falling down relentless and violent.

And you think. You think, Sam.

You think about her, your mind woven in a thousand threads you can’t unravel. You think about how real she looked, in those long eternal nights, when there was no destiny looming over the Winchester’s heads. There was no death and no tomorrow.

There were just her alluring words, like the chant of the most cruel mermaid.

And when she’s shown you her real face, it’s been too late to redeem yourself, to pretend you’ve never gazed in the depth of those coal-coloured eyes, to have never tasted that flesh.

In the most concrete way possible.

What had born like a way to defeat the unspeakable emptiness left from Dean, had become an obsession, an illness.

Ruby wasn’t a woman, and you knew that all too well Sam.

What you couldn’t have imagined, was that she wasn’t a demon either.

She was merely a drug, and one of the most lethal.

Her blood, better than any nectars, better than anything you’ve ever tasted during your whole life.

It gave the same delirium as alcohol, but instead of clouding the senses it sharpened them, it made him feel strong. Little Sammy disappeared in Ruby’s arms, before they turned into coils.

You remember the almost appalling moment when you’ve first wanted to rest your lips on hers. Convinced that there was a still beating heart inside that body stolen from death, convinced that she was the solution, and not the problem.

So you’ve kissed her, again and again. You’ve almost managed to love her then, even though now you feel ashamed about it.

When kisses have perished under the bites coming from your own veins, you’ve seen her too satisfied not to doubt. Yet something told you that this was the path to follow, even if it was branded in fire as a road of no return.

You’ve killed demons with just one look, you’ve saved lives not out of goodness, but to convince yourself that your choices were right, to show it to Dean, Castiel, Bobby. And, most of all, to little Sammy inside of you, screaming to surface.

And you’ve drowned him, with the blood of that love false and poisonous.

But, somehow you were aware of it, the destiny of a person gotten so high, is to fall down. And you’ve fallen, with the vague and feral sensation that you weren’t going to get back up again.

No one is going to reach out a hand for you anymore, no one is going to save you from the darkness you’ve built around and inside you.

But you still feel you’ll never be able to fully hate that demon, that drug that has dragged you into all of this, that has forced you to face your weakness.

The demon who, whilst you didn’t have the strength even to cry your brother, warmed your bed of an unnatural warmth, that you knew didn’t come from her.

 

_“You’re strong, Sam. You’re stronger than them, you can defeat them. But you won’t be able to until you’ll have defeated yourself.” she hisses in your ear, letting a hand run down your body, confusing your senses like only she can do._

_“I’ve got no one to defeat. I just want my revenge on Lilith.” you tell her, with that voice crude and rude that she doesn’t even mind anymore. You try to escape her hold on you, but all of a sudden you’re not reason anymore. You’re flesh, and your flesh wants her. You take her arms, towering over her. Your lips are on hers, violent, almost trying to humiliate her with a simple kiss. Just not to feel that the one feeling ashamed should be you._

_When you let her go she smiles, victorious._

_“You keep closing up in your silence, Sam Winchester, yet I have to say I like you more when you act.” she mocks you. You sit, frowning._

_“You better have me acting. Because when I’ll be ready, Ruby, you’ll hear my silence screaming.”_

Your silence didn’t scream. It’s been left in a corner, too weak to be heard.

That night, the only one who’s screamed all she had never revealed was Ruby. And you’ve looked at her, you’ve seen the black of her irises swallowing up the rest of her pupils, and you’ve realized for the first time that she was a demon, just like all the others.

You’ve never been good at choosing. And now you’re once again little Sammy, the one who makes all those mistakes and gets blamed for them.

You still have the taste of your worst mistake on your lips.

You still have the blood of that mistake running through your veins.

You still have the memory of that mistake engraved on your skin.

Ruby.

It wasn’t love. It was war, it was power.

But you won’t forget, Sam. Not until you will be able to regret the time spent with her.

You’re alone, little Sammy.


End file.
